To truly understand what I have been given for Christmas, We must rewind 20 years. My grandfather, the most important male role model in my life had passed away. Moving on from that time I had developed a very serious drug addiction and various messed up relationships with women and a horrible enabling relationship with my mother who also struggled with her own Alcoholism. Eventually I met up with an old high school flame and somehow, keeping my addiction problems hidden, I moved in with her and her mother and was able to hide my demons for almost 2 to 3 years. Eventually the cat came out of the bag and I would say for at least 4 - 5 additional years I have been struggling with staying away from my vices. Through the time of trying to get my life on track, I manage to totally embarrass my wife at her father's wedding to his new wife, Disappoint my sister and my niece, and for the last year of my mother's life I was again struggling and she had been caught in the destructive path of my curse. I had managed to find a wonderful job but had to be released and rehired 4 times. Trust me when I say, this is a very pleasant, shortened version of how this all went down.
Although this is not the end to my story, I can confidently say that it has been over 1 year, 4 months and 2 days since I have given into any impulse that had given me so much difficulty in the past.
Now is when we get to what I was able to have for Christmas. Thanksgiving, My sister and niece made it up and I was able to work things out with them and for the first time in my life buy them Christmas presents and enjoy real time with what was left of the family I had so efficiently pushed away. I have been invited to my niece's graduation and my sister is coming again for new years.
This thread is regarding what I received for Christmas so here we go. Christmas Eve morning I woke up in tears. I had probably the most vivid dream of my grandfather I had ever had in the past 20 years. I was crying telling him how much I had missed him and begging him to please come back. Although he admitted he missed me, he made sure to be very specific when he said he did not miss "IT" I took that as meaning life and that he would not come back. I woke up at 5 AM. A little bit of Christmas Carol and ghost of Christmas past going on there? I like to think so.
Over the past year I have been able to work on my relationship with my wife to such a degree that I feel that all of the damage I had done to our relationship is slowly starting to heal itself. We hardly fight, And I was able to really go all out for her for Christmas and have seen her light up this year more than I have in such a long time. I made it a point to make sure she could see her Mother, with me, and we all enjoyed ourselves quite a bit this year.
If you remember, I mentioned how I managed to act like a total fool at my wife's father's wedding. His wife had never forgiven me for that. This year I promised myself that I was going to swallow pride and visit him with my wife. I would act like an adult and roll with the punches. And as if just simply seeing my wife so happy this year wasn't enough, Another Christmas miracle when they made plans to stop by after Christmas and visit. Although they had nothing for us, how touched they were by the gifts we had given them filled us up with so much joy I fail to find the words.
I will never be able to make up to my Mother a lot of the hurt I caused her and try to fix things with her. She has since passed and it is most important that I learn to forgive myself for a lot of what happened with her. However, This Christmas I got a blue ray burner for my gaming rig, Clothes, Purple fans for my computer build, and many more material things. But the best gifts this Christmas was forgiveness, tolerance, love, and a chance to see how my Family is rebuilding itself giving me hope for future Christmases.
You cant buy this stuff! Thanks for reading.